Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
