she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
