He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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