First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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