how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
