drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
