first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
