my phone needs a breathalizer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
