Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
