bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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