Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
