He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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