My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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