mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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