Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
