I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
