first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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