what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
