those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still have a little drunk in my system
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
