Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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