so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
