ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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