So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
