they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
