Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
