I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
