I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
