Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
