trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
