This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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