I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
