normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
