Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your cock deserves a montage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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