i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
