I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
