we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
