I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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