My cat gives me a boner
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
time to smoke my breakfast
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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