Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
