My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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