I hate your face
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
