Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
