i was born a porn star she said
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
