Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
