so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
