I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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