i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
