Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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