As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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