yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
