the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
