Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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