Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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