i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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