I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
