Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need help removing her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
