Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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